she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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