he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
