I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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