I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
