So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
