gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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