I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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