i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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