I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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