Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize