apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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