Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
