someone threw a dead crab at me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
