apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
