I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
