Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
