Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
