He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
