Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
