then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
