My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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