There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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