this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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