I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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