Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
