Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
