ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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