well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
