Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
