Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
