Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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