Ambien. No doubt about it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
