who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
