So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
