oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
third nipple confirmed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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