i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
