i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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