If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
