just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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