ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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