she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
