so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
