u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
