u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
