i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
