The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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