explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
