just come out here and I will go home with you...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i now understand why vodka
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
