God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
