Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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