Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
