It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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