I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
