I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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