I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
