Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
