As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
