his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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