How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
