I just cut my nipple shaving
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
