By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
