Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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