I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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