ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We smell like vodka and hangover
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