y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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