haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
